Hello readers, 

It's really been a long time since I have posted anything on my blog. In past few days it turns out that my some of my friends comments on my usual chatty conversations were really very funny. They are those type of jokes where you have to be there to roll on floor laughing. So, I was talking to curly farts about clothes, 'this I want to wear', 'that looks awesome'. Clearly, she got bored with in 5 mins.

I loudly said, heyyy curly sunn na sunnnnn... yaar ye brown shorts bade mast lagte hai yaaar, mujhe chahiye ek.. aur yaar wo shorts me suspenders bade mast lagenge.! mujhe chahiye bey.

Cooool. . Immediately , silly curly fart said : tujhe hum aap k hai kon k salman khan ki tarah dikhna hai kya?

 Next thing, that beautiful picture of  myself wearing awesome brown shorts with suspenders and white tank top transmogrified into hideous yellow pants with $ sign printed every where on it. :-/

Next day I was talking to my sister, we usually have really long talks on phone, so I was telling her about this person who is such a show off, would always brag around about the all the wealth, land property and fabulous cars he owns. I told Shwetuli hey do you know that fellow lives in Cuffe parade and moves around in Mercedes..

Immediately Shweta replied : come on Sneha he is fooling everyone, put a gps something cool techie word in his phone and you'll find out he lives in Dombivli and drives around Maruti 800. 

I was LOL for 5 mins!!! :-D

 -Now meet my friend Jijusnofilos , he is a verry old friend of mine with an amazing humor. You'd be cracking you ribs on his jokes. Since I am talking about him for the first time this brief information about him is very necessary. Jijusnofilos and I frequently share music and movies with each other.

With crazy excitement I told him : Heyy heyy!! check out this cool video where a dog skateboards around the park and jumps and does a somersault. hahahahah hilarious dude!!!!! wait i'l buffer it.

After 5 long mins, the video was not yet buffered completely, I got so bored that I played it. His comment was outrageous.

He said it's like watching a series of pictures in Disney's toy camera. Didn't like it for a second though since the comment was on my internet speed but then next second I was ROFLOL. :-D

P.S subject matter of the story is slightly changed with the consent of Shwetuli and Jijusnofilos.

Alvida doston. :-)

HellHound

My two very close friends are dog lovers. I find it magical tha how dogs respond to their call and obediently come and sit next to them, yeah, I have no luck there. Animals detest me. They howl and bark with spit if they see me around. As if I am possessed or something. Or am I? O_O

 They are my friends, there, happily playing with puppies. Aarti and Poulami . I don't prefer playing with them, I always feel these dogs communicate with themselves and plan to attack on me. I once decided to just go and play with them since Poulami insisted on how cute they were and should not miss it. As I was going to them another dog appeared near Aarti and Poulami. I acted to be cool.

Suddenly all dogs started woofing!

  I thought , ok they don't look harmful, they are just playing. I came closer to them.

Suddenly things changed, dogs behavior changed, it became cloudy, my friends' faces started to fade, as if they were never there. I swear to god I saw them running away. So it is clear that I was not hallucinating.

Dogs started to look like this, opposite to how they looked.

They barked so loud, I could swear one of the dog had mom tattooed on it's muscled arm.

One of the dog came close to me, I was scared, screaming and crying. I can bet my life that, the dog looked fierce. As if it was military trained, more like a cop dog. It breathed heavily. And slowly walked toward me
.

I shut my eyes and screamed for my friends, next thing I see is

Everything is blur after that.

Inner Noise.

The noisy side of you. Haven't we all have had a noisy side of us. The internal voice that repetitively talks to you. All those times you want it to shut up,but it just wont. The voice inside you keeps on talking and talking, sometimes all you hear is "blah blah blaah bla bleaaack bella is blue blah blah". That feeling is so plagued. The torture by competing thoughts and feelings.

The times when I had my inner noise talking to me, I am definitely going to share it with you all. The first time ever when I felt there was something inside of  me, speaking to me when I was trying to make a conversation or probably giving an important exam. Oh! all of you must have to go through it.

Umm, some years back I was giving my math paper in school, now you all know math is not an easy subject. I started answering questions, after an half an hour a song suddenly plays in my head. A song from " Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" the very title song. Heinous images of Bobby Deol and Preety Zinta dancing started to appear in my head. I just couldn't get it off!! I hate that movie, I hate every actor in it, every song of that movie is trash. I wanted mathematical formulas in my head. 3 hours passed that pathetic song kept playing in my head, oh for that entire day. I couldn't curse my stupid noisy side of me less. That day my dear friends, was the first encounter of my inner noise. As time passed the inner noise became my friend. Inner noise and I frequently talked to each other. If anyone in class or in tuitions did anything stupid,we both immediately talked and I would giggle. Certainly, people must think I am such a fool to laugh alone, at absolutely nothing, but no, inner noise would have just said something utterly funny thing about you, or it would have just pointed out to me your accidental 'i am picking up my pen,and oops my butt peeps out of my pant'.

All of us have gone through periods of great internal turmoil, which is where much of our inner noise comes from. So, just don't curse nd avoid ur inner noise. Be a friend to it and have fun.

Toodles.

Have you met DK Bose?

Howdy readers,
I know the heading baffles you right? It's actually a very popular current hindi song and well ummm say that word together four times it becomes a hindi cuss word. Now a second grade kid can list every single hindi cuss word that ever exists, thanks to the television ; so I can use some, right? It's my own blog.

This blog is entirely dedicated to DK Bose. Have you met this person? Noo..? Wait, I think I can sketch his face.

This is him, I certainly don't know him. Just a picture. The purpose of this blog is to introduce you all to a person like him.. Foul mouthed jerk you'll find in every corner of the town. People like him have no sense to behave,  their vocabulary is rich with swear words and has dung for brain. When you talk to a person like him, the tiny person in your head says wow! he is really that DK bose isn't he? Probably the right picture for DK bose would be this.

A cool word of advice to every girl who has met this lame, low life, lousy asshole person in their life, the moment this person starts talking rubbish, or uses foul language don't get intimidated. He has a brain development of a 13 year old and has such a dull life that he bothers you. And if you are a guy and a D.K Bose bugs the shit out of you, you know what to do.. Kick him in the nuts. Wait, does he have that?

My fellow readers :)
Instead of falling to DK Bose's level, just go home. Make a hex bag with animal bones, put a hoodoo on him, pray to the king of hell to drag DK Bose down with him, and carve him into a pig. Let the leeches feed on DK Bose's flesh.

La paix

Also sit back and relax and enjoy this hindi hit number and think of that person who makes you puke everytime he/she starts to speak.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJaSsSM2G04

10 Things we don't want to see on any social networking sites.

10. Pouts-
I detest them. You need not pout just because someone is taking your picture, please leave your mouth just to smile. Okay, even if you like doing it so much, don't force a non pouter to pout ; if that person is standing to take a picture with you. That person ends up looking hideous and permanently ugly in your pout group.
I had to go through this once and I ended up looking like the second person in this picture. Funny thing was, this stranger guy standing with us did it too. Only making him look like a douche bag.! I don't think he knew.
Don't put crazy number of your pictures with same pout. DULL AND UGLY.

9. Scenery picture-
We know you just got a new camera with infinite features in it and you are developing your inside talent of taking excellent photos. Everyone can do that. You just have to freeze natural beauty in your camera . Now that you do it so much, please don't upload 10 million pictures of the same from different angles. Please don't. After 5 pictures we are snoring our heads off. Zzzz.

8. Drunk status updates-
It's sad that you are hurt, it's sadder that your girlfriend left you, even more sad that your mother took your prized possession of the original cricket ball you have since you were throwing it at your cat. Please don't update it as your status message. It's dull! ( Wait.! Do I do that?)

7. Pictures of yourself in front of mirror.
Doing that is really lame. If you are doing it, please stop. Pay your friend to take your photo. Again we don't want to see billion pictures of you in every possible angle.

6. Tagging other friends on cute puppies.
Stop doing it this instant. It's really annoying. Sweet, cute puppies have many other purpose on this planet than being taken pictures of and then getting tagged with your friends names on social sites. (my adorable friend would completely agree to this)

5. The booger digger-
Gross.! I know, much more gross when someone does it in public. So just because you may think it's funny that your friend is doing you know what, you must not take a picture of it and post it on any social sites!
A humble request. It grosses everyone. >.<

4. Booby Picture-
Big noo! Everyone is different. Some are tall, some are short, some are big, some are small. Don't post it on your profile. You may have not thought of it, but it can be very creepy.

3. Too many piercing-
Pictures with too many piercing on oneself can also be very creepy as well. One is still acceptable, but poking yourself with needle everywhere would automatically ostracize you from others. Even if you have so many of them don't post it on the site. Leave it for surprise until some comes to meet you personally. Then scare them away. :-D

2. Woo girls-
Like Barney Stinson says there are many types of girls and there are woo girls. Saying Wooooo loudly and taking a picture and posting it on network is an instant rejection from others. It's more like telling everyone that you have a great social life and you are a WOO GIRL!

1. Honeymoon picture-
I don't even wish to put any cartoon pictures. Just don't let us know where all did you go and what all did you do. I am sure we all don't want know.

Peace out.
-Iyer Sneha

Teethtoddler.

  That is Shweta and I, when we were kids. I somehow always managed to irritate Shweta without much effort. I would just stand next to her and stare at her for crazy long minutes and end of it would be a slight push on my shoulder, and I would make it a big fuss of it, I would cry out so loud that I would convince my parents that Shweta was trying to kill me with her plastic doctor's stethoscope toy. :-D
Every time when something like this happened, I would have a silly smile on my face and Shweta would instantly become grumpy swami. So, this explains the above picture which eventually became Shweta's perpetual expression.

I will take you all to a story that happened in mid 90s. On a bright happy day, like always I was pestering my sister to play with me. I kept on asking her to play my ultimate thrilling hot wheels games..

Sure she didn't agree to that, instead she asked me to watch T.V with her. How many times do you get an opportunity to watch T.V with your elder sister who completely ignores your existence. I agreed immediately.

Shweta asked me to watch with her the famous horror show of early 90s. "The Zee Horror Show" (bad script, very bad monsters-not scary at all, bad costumes, no story, only extremely scary background music which would probably scare you to poops.)

I became skeptical at the age of 4. I reluctantly said, we shouldn't be watching horror, we are kids plus we'll get grounded.

Nooo! said Shweta, it is a brilliant idea, and plus it is not scary Sneha, I know you are a brave girl, you've never been scared of ghosts. And we know it is not real. Oh yes, I agreed to watch. Feeling as if  nothing on this world can scare me, Zee Horror Show was nothing but bullpoop.

I said come let's watch, I hope they show something very scary today!

That is when I was wrong, Hell yes, this was one of  her revenges. She wanted to scare me, she wanted to create all sorts of monsters in my head. So that I never have goodnight's sleep henceforth.

 It started, right at 7 PM. We both got settled on our couch.

10 minutes to that show, we were scared out of our wits.

Screaming her lungs out, Shweta was so scared that she asked me to run to our mother. The monster she was trying to create in my head crept into her brain and oh boy, she was scared. I was equally scared too. :-P

Screaming our heads out we ran upstairs.

Shweta ran, faster than Forrest Gump, when Forrest's friend was urging him to run from bullies. For a moment she decided to stop and check where had my tiny legs reached. She hallucinated ghosts in our stairway.

She screamed at me to run fast before those "baniyan boodham" could get us. (fictional friendly ghost created by Shweta herself)

  I was tiny, and I believed in anything my sister said. And I ran! Shweta desperately banged on door, begging Amma to open it.

I instantly followed her actions, we started banging fanatically. Shweta almost swinging on the stopper screamed and screamed.

 I stopped to ask her if Amma is inside, when you are scared you do all sort of silly things!! I did mine right there, not noticing what Shweta was doing. She was swinging that stopper at a rate at which only a psychotic killer would use to stab his victim.

It was too late, that stopper had hit my mouth. I was only that tall. We heard a small clink.

That was my tooth on the floor!! :-|

 To Shweta's worst nightmare, Amma and Appa both came at the door hearing our crazy screams, only to find a broken tooth on my hand and loud cries of me and Shweta. Shweta was only crying because she knew she was going to be grounded till her teeth falls out.

This incident traumatized my entire family, I was toothless till 4th grade.! :(
Shweta was grounded, and she was forbidden to watch Zee Horror Show.
Appa got a minor stroke since the doctor said, there is no way to fix a broken tooth and only way I will get it back was by growing my adult tooth naturally. Doc had to specially tell my father all that slowly, since he refused to believe that I will be toothless for a long while, where as he already knew those unsaid facts.
And only terror my mother had, was that if I never grow my tooth back then would any eligible boy marry me?

Very next morning, I got back to my crazy, irritating, perstering self. :-D

Will you play with my hot wheels?

( Called my sister to refresh my memory for this terrible story of my great tooth fall. Without Shweta neither would I have posted this blog nor would have my tooth ever fallen. And I still completely love her.)

Peace out-
Iyer Sneha.